Wednesday, November 29, 2017

The Scouring Sands of Skourenthe, Session 2: A Truck Named Bitchin

The session began with Goblini, Brutal Pete, Pitwin, Chris, and The Deud dropping out of FLAILSNAIL space within The Slippery Spot. The party noticed some new faces lounging around and figured out they were Glory Riders. Goblini recruited a rider named Slapp for his mechanical skills for a generous payment of 10 gold.

The party hiked their way back to the decrepit tower of Kazak where they found the gap left by Magic Meryl's Floating Disc spell still intact. Without hesitation Goblini sent a squad of 4 goblins through the gap, but they triggered a tripwire and released a pitfall of shit, piss, splintered bronze armor, and quartered and decapitated corpses. 2 goblins perished and the survivors smelled something awful.

Pressing on, the party found themselves in the dining hall were Chris P's character spied on 3 of the ominous hogmen feasting on the half-charred, half-rotten carcass of the gorilla-bear. They were quickly dispatched after Goblini's goblins sprang to action with a volley of gunfire as the rest of the party engaged. The hogmen's possessions totaled 120sp and was hidden among their shit-glued strands of hair.

The party made their way to the ramp which lead to The Underground and discovered it had been re-greased. They burned it away and descended into the darkness were they found a gross pile of refuse, corpses, and bile. The party traded gear and banter as they decided wether to take the worked stone hallway to the east or the snaking tunnel to the west. But as they talked 5 of the corpses rose from the refuse and came at them! However, due to Brutal Pete's dwarfiness he was able to scare the necromantic energies out of them with a bang of his implements!

Shortly after the zombies fell a hulking humanoid figure approached from the east hallway. The party hid and discovered the humanoid was a human man with a huge gut that stood well over six feet tall! He wore nothing more than an executioner's hood and a black loincloth. "Hurr hurr hurr!" the figure said to himself as he walked back the way he came. The Deud introduced him as Slutman, a "fucking idiot" that kept an eye on Kazak's workshop. And no you don't want to know how he got that name! Chris P's character decided to befriend Slutman and he responded to his friendship with a "hurr hurr hurr!" and a childish gaze. Chis P asked Slutman to show them where the workshop was and he replied with a "hurr hurr hurr". Realizing speech was getting him nowhere fast, Chris P placed a tool he happened to have in Slutman's hand and asked him to put it back were it belonged. Slutman replied with a "hurr hurr hurr" retrieving a ring of keys from his loincloth and presumably lead the way.

The Slutman

The party's faith in Slutman was rewarded! He had lead them to a WE hallway stretching 90 feet with 5 solid iron doors with eyeslats on them—presumably Kazak's workshop. In the first cell the party found a bloody operating table with corpses and chunks of meat hanging from hooks and chains. In the second they discovered a black desk which held a strange chinstrap device that had a circular plate that looked as if something could be screwed into it. They also discovered a display case that held 7 jars of formaldehyde, each of which possessed a big good-looking cock. The party swiped it all before moving on to the next cell.

The third cell lead to a large room which contained a 1953 Ford F 100. The paint had long been blasted away and was covered in splotches of rust. But the suspension had been raised as far as it could go and the tires appeared suitable for desert travel. On each car door the word BITCHIN was written in droopy red spray paint. Alas the keys were nowhere to be found and, worse yet, the steering wheel was missing! Goblini ordered Slapp to get to work at fixing these issues but Slapp felt another payment of 10g was in order for dragging him all the way out here. Generous Goblini complied. Unfortunately Slapp was only able to get the car running and couldn't jigger up a steering wheel. Fortunately Brutal Pete has a knack for these kinds of things and was able to jigger up a steering wheel. But before hitting the UP button out of here, the party decided to find where Kazak kept all his shit.

Bitchin looks something like this

Chris P reminded Slutman of the tool he gave him and the buffoon ran off down the hallway, passed the fourth cell, and opened the fifth cell where the party found an ornate chest with finely made high quality BDSM gear—whips, chains, masks, the works! As the party collected the BDSM gear and searched the room some more, they head a plopping sound from behind them and noticed some ectoplasmic foot prints that weren't there before. They paid no heed and continued their search until a decrepit looking humanoid wearing worn chainmail with eyes of sparkling red accosted them! Upon engaging the party discovered 9 more of the creatures pouring out of the fourth cell, with a feminine one holding open the cell, pointing and laughing and screaming "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

At this time, The Deud revealed a spear from his robes ad pointed it at Pitwin, saying "Now I've got you!" before Pitwin knocked him out with a sleep spell. Meanwhile Goblini pulled out a strange artifact and, channeling all of its power, dispelled the necromantic spell that gave the vile monstrosities life.

Feeling the call of FLAILSNAIL space approaching, the party grabbed their truck and warped out back to Vyzor.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

The Scouring Sands of Skourethe, Session 1

The session began with Magic Meryl, Pitwin, and Goblini being safely deposited from FLAILSNAIL space in the sandblasted town of Slag. (Sapphean seemed to have taken a wrong turn somewhere at trans-temporal avenue.) Slag seemed abandoned until Meryl called out "Hello!" and several malnourished wretches curiously crawled out of their boarded-up hovels.

Goblini and company quickly befriended the wretches by cooking a stew and purifying their spoiled food. They learned from Kurkl, seemingly the only decently healthy human in town and owner of The Slippery Spot tavern, that Slag has been accosted by Hogmen allied with the evil sorcerers Kazak and Mel residing in the two towers to the east. Goblini learned that the hogmen raid the town in a bitchin' truck and decided to free the wretches of their oppressors. The wretches celebrated their new saviors by throwing a party with billybean beer and a whole lot of drugs.

The next day the PCs set out east and found themselves at the entrance to a decrepit looking tower covered in graffiti. An iron door speckled with sharp spikes, from which a multitude of guts and bits hung from, welcomed them. Magic Meryl used her non-Tenser's Floating Disc to dislodge the door from below, squishing it like an accordion and Goblini sent in his goblins.

Unfortunately the Goblins triggered a false ceiling trap and Spooky, His Excellence, and AGURHAGA were crushed to death. That's when the Gorilla-Bear burst through the north door—and yes a Gorilla-Bear is exactly what it sounds like.

Yup...That's a Gorilla-Bear
That's when Sapphean found his way out of FLAILSNAIL space and delivered the final blow with his poisonous fangs. Finally reunited the PCs pressed on.

The next room proved to be a dining hall with a long wooden table and several once regal tapestries that were now graffiti'd with tits, dicks, and black speech. Sat at the table, deep in his cups was the hairy ogre named Mung that was sick of all the killing Kazak made him do. The PCs quickly befriended Mung and learned from him that the hogmen kept their truck in "The Underground." Upon asking where that was Mung pointed to a door which hid an alcove.

Inside the alcove was a defaced and grafitti'd bust sat on a podium above a shag carpet. Mung said the entrance to the underground was below that. Goblini put his goblins to work and they unfortunately triggered a puke gas trap, which caused all the goblins to convulse and spew their dinner all over the place. Sapphean, sensing opportunity, quickly jumped in and sucked up a good whiff of the puke gas to absorb it's magical properties. The only problem was now everyone was puking and convulsing all over the place; the PCs decided to take a break.

Despite all this commotion, the supposed hogmen did not accost them during the PCs' hour break Funny that. Meanwhile Goblini had discovered a silver ring embossed with a black skull that turned out to be a Ring of Undead Control hidden inside the bust. 

Upon returning to the entrance, the PCs discovered that the shag carpet had mysteriously disappeared. Mung gladly ripped off the locked trapdoor to the underground, revealing a greasy ramp that disappeared into darkness. Goblini lit the grease on fire and sent down a goblin scout. The scout found a lot of trash, corpses, and skeletons, and was more than happy to get the heck out of there.

Deciding to leave The Underground alone for now, the PCs pressed on and discovered a room that looked like someone's personal quarters, equipped with a large bed, a writing desk, and a chest. Meryl opened the chest to discover a nearly-naked green-mustached gnome sleeping inside. He was rather upset. The PCs bullied the gnome into forking over his loot and he gladly obliged. Samuel the Goblin retrieved the gnome's coin hidden under the false bottom of the chest but not before his hands were sliced off by a whirling blade trap and died of the subsequent blood loss. The gnome, who would later introduce himself as "The Deud", laughed and twirled his mustache.

Before FLAILSNAIL space kicked in the PCs threw The Deud into his chest and kidnapped him to parts unknown.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

This post is a GLOG hack

So I've had this idea for an RPG floating around in my head forever and I'm sick of thinking about it. So I'm going to outline it in this very blog post.

Calling this rpg an rpg might be incorrect because it's not standalone. It is in fact a hack of Arnold's rpg GLOG because GLOG is great and lovely and I love templates. Regardless, this hack/rpg is called Verge because single syllable names for rpgs is the rage these days. Now Let's get into the meat and potatoes

Ability Checks
GLOG uses a roll under system but I'll be using a roll over system for Verge because I'm overly attached to nat 20s. Just roll a d20 and add the relevant ability score. If it beats a target number of 20, the roll is a success. The math is the exact same as a roll under system but flipped.

To physically accost something roll Strength or Dexterity. Your target's armor is applied as a penalty to this roll.

Armor is divided into light (+2), medium (+4), and heavy (+6). Shields, helmets, cool hats, and accouterments add +1 armor each.

Mortal wounds dealt with most weaponry is d6. Two-handed weapons, such a claymores, and dual-wielded weapons, such as twin katanas, deal +1 damage. Firearms and unique weapons deal exploding damage.

Verge uses a single type of save to avoid danger. To save Roll a d20 and beat a target number of 15. This target number decreases by 1 point for every level after first.

Hit Points
New characters begin with hit points equal to their Constitution score and gain d6 hit points per level after that.

Roll DEX. Encumbrance is applied as a penalty.

Roll 1d6, either for the group or individually. Ties are resolved with the highest Wisdom. Group ties go to the PCs.

(optional) Skills
Verge uses Benjamin David's skill rules. New characters begin with 3 skill points. These points can be invested in skills up to three ranks. Rank 1 is "Skilled", rank 2 is "Expert", and rank 3 is "Master". A vague "jack of all trades" roll is permitted to all characters. In this case the character rolls as "Unskilled".
Vague skills get vague results. Characters should be encouraged to pursue specific skills. i.e. don't pursue "Science", pursue "Biology" or "Geology".

Everything Else
GLOG....GLOG is everything else.